Review of THE VAMPIRE DIARIES – As I Lay Dying (2011)

Death has a funny way of revealing the secrets we hide from ourselves

With so many fake-out deaths in this episode, it is hard to remember who actually died.  Was it Elijah, who Klaus stabbed?  Jeremy, who was shot by Sheriff Forbes?  Or was it Damon, who was fading away from the werewolf bite?  Oh wait, maybe it was the girl Klaus brought for Stefan to kill.  Anyway you look at it, the deaths in the finale were a complete fake-out.  Elijah is not dead — he can revive at any time whenever someone removes the dagger.  Jeremy was brought back to life by the witches.  And Damon was saved when Katherine delivered the bottle with Klaus’ blood.  Though it sure looked like the girl died in the end.  With Stefan’s blood-infested eyes scaring the beegeebizes out of us, it was hard to focus on the nameless girl being killed.

Just like it is hard to pinpoint who actually died, it is hard to know who is protecting whom these days.  They are all so focused on protecting each other that no one person stands out as the savior in the bunch.  Stefan may have sacrificed his life and love of Elena to save Damon, but Damon was willing to die without Elena’s love if it meant sparing her any more pain.  In fact, he was not even going to tell her that he was dying.  It was Stefan who did.  But Stefan did it so that Elena could be there for Damon — to ease Damon’s pain — and because he knew that if Elena did not get a chance to say good-bye, she would be devastated forever.

Similarly, Elena has been protecting Stefan from seeing how conflicted she is about her feelings for Damon — and perhaps protecting herself a bit in the process.  Unlike Katherine, Elena has not reconciled herself to the fact that she loves both brothers.  She loves Stefan, but she loves Damon too.  She simply chose Stefan.  But, when it looked like fate was about to snatch Damon from her, Elena unveiled a secret she had been hiding deep in her heart — she loves Damon.  She loves him, but did not choose him.  Alas, fate had other plans.  It spared Damon when Katherine showed up in the nick of time with the antidote and made Stefan pay the ultimate price — not in blood (or not his blood anyway), but in mental torment — Stefan’s soul for Damon’s life.

If there was a death to mourn in this episode, it was the death of things people think they know.  Everyone had a secret, an ulterior motive and a lot to lose if anyone else found out about it.

Points of Interest

1.  One of the coolest twists of the night was when Jeremy began seeing the ghosts of his deceased girlfriends, Anna and Vicki.  With all that talk of balance in the universe and the witches’ reluctance to save Damon and resurrect Jeremy, is this the price to be paid?  Will Bonnie never have a peaceful, normal relationship with Jeremy because he is being haunted by the ghosts of girlfriends past?

2.  Dang!  Klaus is one cold, scary vamp.  He loved every second he was tormenting Stefan and forcing him back down that dark, vicious path.  But in attempting to reawaken Stefan’s animal side and have him join in a fun, blood-thirty rampage across the globe, Klaus really has no idea what he is in for.  With each blood bag and, as Stefan sank deeper and deeper into the blood-bliss oblivion, even Katherine looked simultaneously repulsed and fascinated.  This was not the Stefan she knew.  She had only ever seen the “nice” Stefan.  Will she love “bad” Stefan too?

3.  And surprise, surprise, Klaus knew all along that Katherine was on vervain.  He certainly likes to play games and to play with fire.  However, that “I’m smarter than all of you” attitude is getting a bit old.  Can’t wait for Elijah to come back and teach his brother a thing or two about respect!

What Worked

Can it be said enough?!  Rick rocks!  Not only did Rick keep a vervain syringe handy in case Damon got too close for comfort while locked up in the dungeon, he brought Damon his favorite anesthetizing drug to help ease his pain, and he kept protective watch over Jeremy after he came back from the dead.

Rick may have wanted to drink himself into oblivion while grieving Jenna’s death, but the minute someone needed him, he was there.  He dropped everything to help Stefan keep watch over the suicidal/homicidal Damon; and he took on the protective parental role and watched over Jeremy after he was shot — just to make sure Jeremy was okay after he revived from the witch’s spell. It was beyond the call of duty, yet Rick rose to the occasion.  In addition, when he mockingly mimicked Bonnie’s “You can thank me tomorrow — and the day after that — and the day after that” (prompting Jeremy to toss a pillow at him), it was a moment of levity that they both needed.  Jeremy had just died and been brought back by Bonnie’s ancestors; and they both were mourning Jenna’s death.  To bring a little bit of normalcy and humor back into Jeremy’s life was generous and thoughtful.  Defacto guardian or not, Rick has been there for Elena and Jeremy.  Jenna may be gone, but Rick’s role as their newfound parental figure is just beginning — and he’s good at it!

Another surprising key player of the night was Katherine.  Not only did she witness Stefan’s nasty descent into blood-lust without giving away the fact that she was on vervain and not under Klaus’s compulsion, she actually delivered Klaus’ blood to Damon to save his life.  The old Katherine would have run away as fast as she could.  This new Katherine is braver, stronger, and a lot more interesting.  She is not as selfish and is showing signs of caring for people.  It is a nice chance of pace.  Katherine, the savior — who knew?!

In addition to Rick and Katherine, Damon really turned a page in this episode as well.  When he tried to apologize to Elena for forcing his blood on her and almost turning her into a vampire, Elena initially spurned him because she thought she had all the time in the world to forgive.  What was beautiful about that moment was not Damon’s apology, but rather that instead of throwing back in her face the fact that he was out of time, Damon merely assured her, “Take all the time you need.”  There was not even a hint of arrogance as he said this, just resignation.  Damon was simply not willing to tell Elena he was dying and push her to forgive him.  He did not want to cause her any more pain while she was still grieving Jenna and John’s deaths.  It is his burden to bear, and he would carry it alone if it spared her one second of pain.  Imagine that:  chivalry from a dying vampire.  Noble, but heart-breaking.

It is amazing that Damon is truly learning to set aside his wants and desires and to put other people’s feelings first.  However, while his heart was in the right place in trying to commit suicide and spare everyone the pain of watching him die, Damon’s attempt to immolate himself was misguided.  By depriving Stefan his last chance to save him, and Elena’s last chance to say goodbye would have been cruel.  Life is short enough without hurrying it along.  Those final last moments are to be savored, not thrown away — and, as it was proven, there is always hope for a last minute reprieve.  One just has to have a little faith.  Damon is learning to be human again and to feel emotions and put other’s first; he also needs to reacquaint himself with religious faith.  Miracles only happen if you let them.  By cutting his life short,  he was depriving himself and everyone else from that miracle.  Thank goodness Stefan was nearby to push Damon out of the sunlight and to lock him up for his own protection.  Damon’s humanity is still too new to fully appreciate that self-sacrifice does not mean self-ending sacrifice.

Then turning to Stefan’s sacrifice — wow.  That was something.  Watching Stefan as he sucked down blood bags, losing a little bit of himself and his sanity in the process, it was agonizing.  Even Katherine seemed repulsed by what Klaus was forcing him to do.  But it was not until Stefan took that girl’s life did we really see what he is up to:  he has not lost it.  Stefan knows perfectly well what he is doing.  He is cold, calculating and just biding his time.  He killed the girl quickly and painlessly so she would not have to suffer more than she had to. However, given Klaus’ sixth sense in knowing when he is being played, he probably knows that Stefan has not gone over to the dark-side and is simply sadistically loving the fact that Stefan is fully cognizant of everything he is doing and yet is being forced to do it anyway.  Klaus wins either way:  he either succeeds in breaking Stefan and turning him back into the monster he once was, or he does not break Stefan and gets to relish every second of torturing Stefan into doing the things he abhors.  It’s a win-win in his book.  Again, all fun and games for the vampire/werewolf hybrid who has lived so long that life is meaningless to him.  He has loved and lost and simply chooses to not love again.  He prefers an eternity of debauchery and fiendish delights — and he will savor every moment taking Stefan to hell with him.

Thus, it was cool to see how strong Stefan is.  His strength is his ultimate weapon.  He not only withstood Klaus’ trial, he also pushed Elena to go to Damon.  A weaker man would have felt fearful and threatened and would have wanted to keep Elena away from Damon as he lay dying — for nothing stirs buried feelings quicker than looming death.  (There is a reason we have the saying “death-bed confessions” — it is very popular.)  But Stefan had no fear over what Damon would say, or what Elena would do.  Whether or not Damon died or lived, Stefan’s strength stems from the fact that each day Elena chooses him.  No matter what she may feel for Damon, she does not act on it.  She has made her choice — Stefan won her heart.

That confidence and strength is also what compelled Stefan to do everything conceivable to save Damon’s life.  When he told Elena, “If there’s a chance for a cure, I owe it to him to find it,” he reassured her, “Go talk to [Damon].  Tell him that there’s still hope.”

Stefan’s strength is what makes him the stronger brother.  He withstood Klaus’ tests and held fast to the facade he was portraying — all for the sake of saving Damon and protecting Elena.  Stefan will leave Mystic Falls to keep Klaus far away from his brother and Elena — the love of his life.

Yet without Stefan’s strength and presence between them, Damon and Elena are forced to confront how they feel about each other.  On the brink of death, Damon finally saw that he had the choice to fall in love with Katherine and he made the wrong choice.  As Damon succumbed to the werewolf bite, he had visions of Katherine back when he first met her.  She was as bewitching and beguiling as ever as she wickedly asked, “Is it so wrong for me to want you both?”  But what was far more revealing was when a hallucination of Elena appeared in the vision and she reminded him, “Don’t you see she was toying with you?  All you had to do was say no — walk away.  You had a choice.”

Despite blurring reality with his feverish hallucinations, after Rick stabbed Damon with the vervain when he was trying to get Rick to kill him, it was Elena’s name that he called out.  Thus, it was with tinged sadness that Rick said, “Elena’s not here, Damon.”  Even on his deathbed, all Damon can think about is Elena.  Elena must have felt the same way for she broke out of the Sheriff’s office so she could be with him in the end.  Then, despite the fact that Damon bit her, Elena never left his side.  She took him home and put him gently to bed.  Fading in and out of lucidity, Damon warned Elena to leave before he hurt her again — but she refused.  No matter how conflicted she may feel, she knew one thing — she would not leave his side.  So she firmly told him, “I’m here until the very end.  I’m not leaving you.”  She then got into bed with him so that she could hold him and comfort him.  It was eerily reminiscent of how Damon held Rose in her final moments before staking her.  Yet Elena was not about to stake Damon and put him out of his misery.  He was too precious to her and she wanted to prolong every last minute she could with him.  It is never about all the pain inflicted along the way, it is about those final moments that leave an imprint on our souls.  Thus, Damon would not be remembered for his sins, but for his selfless love in the end.

As he lay dying, Damon’s final confession was beautiful.  He revealed, “I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here.  I deserve this.  I deserve to die.”  As Elena tried to protest, “No, you don’t,” he firmly said, “I do, Elena.  It’s okay, ’cause if I had chosen differently, I wouldn’t have met you.”  So beautiful.  It meant that no matter what sins he may have committed, he would do them all again because it was the only way to meet Elena.  He would not give up a single second of his life of regrets because it led him the one thing he truly desired:  her.

And as Damon said,  “I know you love Stefan.  It will always be Stefan. . . . but I love you — you should know that,” Elena’s boundaries were broken.  She softly replied, “I do” and moved closer to hold him tight as she wept silently.  With a final sigh of relief, Damon mumbled,  “You should have met me in 1864.  You would have liked me.”  To which Elena brokenly said, “I like you now — just the way you are.”  Seeing that he was fading fast, she softly kissed him, and he whispered, “Thank you.”  A gift to a dying man.  Because of the shortness of time and this perhaps being her last chance, Elena let down her guard and let Damon glimpse the deep secret hiding in her heart. A secret she would have never admitted unless forced by fate.

Alas, in yet another twist of fate, that tender moment was disrupted by Katherine who brought the one thing they really wanted:  Damon’s cure.

Unfortunately, with a miracle in sight, the walls around Elena’s heart snapped back shut; and as she asked Katherine, “Where’s Stefan?” Katherine knowingly responded, “Are you sure you care?” Then seeing Elena’s glare, Katherine said, “I wouldn’t expect [Stefan] anytime soon. . . He just sacrificed everything to save his brother — including you . . .It’s a good thing you have Damon to keep you company.”  Then as Katherine turned to leave, she smiled at Elena and impishly said, “It’s okay to love them both — I did.”  With that last parting shot, she was gone — leaving Damon and Elena confused and unsure what they needed to do next.  Do they pretend that interlude and confession never happened?  Do they go to rescue Stefan? Or do they take a chance on a new future together?

Waiting the next four months to find out what they decided will be agonizing.  But also delicious to think about!

What Didn’t Work

It was criminal to not have either Matt or Tyler in this episode.  After Tyler and Caroline’s heart-to-heart moment last week, it would have made sense to have Tyler be a reluctant tag-along for movie night; or ever casually bumping into Matt at either the movies or at the Grill would have made sense.  Given their importance in Caroline’s life, it would have nice to have one or both make a brief appearance.

Then Carol Lockwood’s ultimatum to Liz Forbes felt out of place.  Carol has just gotten out of the hospital from a nasty fall, her son is in town — and she is worried about vampires?!  Carol needs to spend some quality time with her son and leave the vampire-hunting to the trained professionals.

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

“As I Lay Dying” was written by Turi Meyer, Al Septein, Michael Narducci and directed by John Behring. ‘The Vampire Diaries’ stars Paul Wesley, Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Steven R. McQueen, Candice Accola, Katerina Graham, Michael Trevino, Zach Roerig, Sara Canning, Matt Davis. ‘The Vampire Diaries’ airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on the CW.